Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bring me that man meat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
