he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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