i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
