p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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