That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
