took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
