Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
