I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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