I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
