Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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