The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
