are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
