end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
