I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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