It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
