I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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