I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
