I cannot find my penis.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A+ Viking dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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