We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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