Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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