hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
