How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
