He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
