sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
