Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
