Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
