got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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