I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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