Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
