It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize