My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
