Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
