Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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