This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
