Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
