so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
