we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
