I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
