If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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