We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
