At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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