I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
