i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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