I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
