why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
