Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
