How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
