I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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