They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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