I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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