I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
