Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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