Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
