dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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