My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
