I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
