woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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