i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
