Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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