Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
