Kiss
Puke
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
