So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
