I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
