I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
