I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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