I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
