dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
