so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
