i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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