STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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