when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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