no, he came in my armpit
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
