Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
