ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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