brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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