Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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