I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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