dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
