But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
